This pregnancy came very much as a surprise. When I found out last May that I was expecting baby #4, I was absolutely elated. I began envisioning the pregnancy, the birth, breastfeeding, and cloth diapering for the first time. I started thinking of names immediately, and even went out and bought a Serger to help me make cloth diapers. A week and a few days after I found out I was pregnant, I miscarried. I was beyond devastated, even though I was only 7 weeks. For a while, I was determined to get pregnant again right away. But as the depression slowly waned, I had decided that a baby wasn't in my future. Afterall, Megan had just turned four and it has been so long since I've had to be up at all hours of the night, or change diapers, or nurse anyone. I was so set on this, that I started ( to try ) preventing pregnancy. I began charting more diligently, though only symptoms and not BBT.
Valentine's Day was a rough day for me this year, because it was the due date of the baby who died. Thankfully my husband was very gentle and understanding with me.
Why does this background matter? Because it looks like I got pregnant the very next day. I have been charting when we'd have sex, my physical symptoms and pains from PCOS, and ovulation signs. I was over a week past ovulation signs, and thought I'd be good. Well, guess not. :) Within the first two months that I tried to prevent pregnancy, I got pregnant. God had other plans than I did, apparently.
I found out that I was pregnant while we were in California for a wedding. Funnily enough, I actually found out in an Island's Restaurant bathroom. Haha. We had gone out after the wedding for dessert and drinks with friends, and had stopped at a store before getting there to get dh some headache medicine. I decided to pick up a test and take it before drinking, because I was quite late for my period. And hey, I had to pee. When I first looked at it immediately after peeing, there was no line. I figured it was negative, put it in my purse, and went to our table. I simply shook my head at my husband to tell him the outcome. I ordered my yummy Mai Tai and happily began sipping. I don't know what prompted me to, but I discreetly checked the test again in my purse. No way - there was a faint + sign. I excused myself, and went back into the bathroom. Sure enough, there was a +. It was light, but there. I got back to the table, looked at my husband, and said "I was wrong. I am." Much to our friends' confusion, he switched his coke with my alcoholic drink, and smiled. We told our friends since we didn't want to keep them in the dark, and they were both happy for us. They had suffered a miscarriage as well, and knew what I had gone through.
The next few weeks were quite trying for me, because I kept expecting to miscarry again. I would check the TP for blood every time I used the restroom. I went to a local Obstetrician for labwork, and decided much against my beliefs to have an ultrasound done. My rationale was that if I ended up miscarrying, at least I'd have some picture of my baby. I thought it would give me some peace of mind, and instead it only intensified things. They couldn't see anything but a thicker endometrial lining. I got my lab results the next day, and my hcg count was only 365. It looks like I was probably less pregnant than I thought I was.
Thankfully, I am not feeling very neurotic anymore. I have stopped checking the TP for blood, and very much feel pregnant. I am starting to think that I was closer in estimation for a due date, even though the OB said the hcg count being low made me less pregnant than we thought. I would only be 6-7 weeks by their count, but my jeans are already quite tight, I can feel the "pregnant feeling" when I am against the counter for dishes or when Jeramy hugs me, or when he lays on top of me. I *think* I may be closer to 8-9 weeks, but I could very much be wrong.
I am planning on going back in for labs sometime soon to check on hcg count, thyroid, and progesterone, and then possibly an ultrasound somewhere around 13 weeks to see baby. I'm not 100% sure on that though, because I only want 1 more ultrasound. I'm not FOR ultrasound use, by any means. But I think it might help me relax the rest of the way to see baby and hear a heartbeat, rather than use my doppler on myself to search for it. We'll see.
Many more thoughts, but if I keep writing in this post, it will be endless. ;)
